Back to School Anxiety
Change and transition can be hard. Even when it is a change we are looking forward to. When my son was younger and I asked if he was excited to start school again, he would quip, “Yeah I can have pizza everyday for lunch!” Of course, I wanted him to be excited about learning, but I learned to take what I could get. I suspect my son’s response may have been a bit of a cover for the natural anxiety that occurs in anticipation of new teachers, new classrooms and new classmates.
Anxiety is a completely normal part of any new experience. Anxiety will increase at pivotal times such as moving from elementary to middle school, then moving into high school, and yet again if one decides to pursue college. For most kids, this back to school anxiety will decrease with each subsequent year.
Common school worries can include:
Little boy with sad facing Meme says "But, but, but, I don't want to go back to school"
Are my clothes OK?
What if everyone is smarter than me?
Who will I sit with at lunch?
What if I miss the bus?
What if all my friends are in a different class?
Older students may worry about things like:
What if I am not prepared?
What if I can’t find my classroom?
What if I fail?
It is helpful to normalize this anxiety. Taking part in any orientation/open house activities can help alleviate some of this anxiety. Prepare for school schedule by beginning routines prior to the first day of school. This is also a time when parents may need to be thinking about scheduling a meeting if their child would benefit from any accommodations. Here is a video with other tips Back-to-school tips for parents
Back to school anxiety can show up in a variety of behaviors, such as:
Difficulty getting up at the appropriate time
Not completing homework
Changing clothes multiple times in the morning
Missing the bus, reporting feeling ill, other behaviors indicating a desire to avoid going to school
Ways to deal with difficult back to school behaviors:
Be curious, empathetic, and nonjudgmental - it is easy to view these behaviors as simply acts of defiance, but in fact they may be ways in which your child is expressing worries they have. Don’t dismiss a child’s concern, but empathize and let them know they have your support. Reminding your child of other big changes they were worried about and overcame, can be helpful.
Make sure you stay emotionally regulated - if your child’s behaviors are being fueled by anxiety, having a parent who becomes anxious or angry generally escalates the situation and likely will trickle down and impact both your day and your child’s engagement and behavior during the school day.
If your child’s behavior persists well into the school year, consider counseling services to help you all get a better understanding of what is happening and develop strategies to address those issues
Did You Know…
53% of parents of children under 18 agree that back to school season is the most stressful time of year
87% of parents of children under 18 say the back to school season causes them stress and anxiety (2023, understood.org)
Families that learn to manage anxiety as a team are better equipped to navigate life stressors. Here are a few ways families can address stress and anxiety:
Foster an environment in which it is okay and safe to discuss worries and fears without ruminating on them
Practice emotion regulation strategies (breathing practices, meditation, mindfulness practices)
Set aside time each day for a real check in. This could be a short walk together in the evening, playing a game together, or simply sitting together for a family meal
Remember anxiety is a completely normal part of life and definitely a normal response to new experiences and situations. Anxiety is NOT a bad thing, it helps us to prepare for success and to be aware of potential hazards. Too much anxiety, or anxiety that gets in the way of us doing what we want, is when it becomes a problem. When anxiety starts overriding our normal behaviors it may be time to seek help. A counselor can partner with you to identify and practice ways to address anxiety which are accessible and congruent with your personal situation and goals.